If you really knew me... Would we still be friends

I'm so scared of telling you who I am, I can't start the post

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Grave yard (shift)

My Lovie works the graveyard shift 10 hours, 4 days a week, I keep the hours he keeps (like I would actually be sleeping anyway) so I've been doing really well sleep wise. I've only been awake for 13 hours after getting a wonderful five (5) "drug"* induced hours of sleep, I woke up feeling yucky, slow moving, and in pain. It is now close to 1pm and I feel like it's time to get up, (it isn't dark enough in here)





*Sleeping pill, anxiety pill, pain pill and a very long hot bath

New leg

I want to start off by saying that I haven't slept since Wednesday, anyway Today I had the casting for my new prosthesis, I was optimistic and excited until we got there, he started the casting and measurements squeezed and moved squished my "little leg" in every which way and so it aches now, 😔 he also told me "you are going to be hard to fit" and he will see what he's able/can to do.and it will be better than my current leg. I just have an uneasy feeling it isn't going to work and this will all be for naught, and the new leg won't make me feel any better, wont make walking eaiser... 😕

Time

It's been 1840 days since my Lovie and I got married, so far we've lived in three places, on our forth car which we bought brand new and had 17 miles on it when we drove it off the lot. We have two cats, which are our babies since we haven't had any human children, not to sound crass it's not a lack of trying or want. We go on dates every week.

Sleep

I took two pain pills, and a sleep aid so I wouldn't have to go through out the day alone, when my husband got home and after we had dinner, I took a bath and almost fell a sleep. I'm so depressed because of words that were said although they were suppose to have come from a good place, I felt they we harsh and uncalled for.

Sigh

First day without my Lovie in 17 days, it sucks... and I wish he were here, It might seem weird or odd, that we can and like to spend all that time together, but we love each other and can't wait to see one another.

And I have a migraine, from a lot of crying and stress the past couple of days, hopefully things will get better as the week goes on, but right now I laying in bed taking it easy.

Another day goes by

I haven't been doing well since the receiving the news of having P.C.O.S, and finding out that friends of mine are pregnant, and I nearly had a panic attack. I am happy for them, really but I'm still upset. I called my sister to see if she could get some financial papers for me so I can get them sooner then next week hopefully, I really need to figure out what I am going to do, I need to try to make more money from home but I am at a loss. My mental state right now is bad, I feel like crying all of the time and I feel like my husband and I aren't communicating as well as we could be.