Monday, October 29, 2007

Bothersome moments

Whenever I read about NF it worries me, Like today I read about how some doctors have said that where you itch a lot you'll develop tumors, (itching is a symptom of NF) I don't know if I believe that though, I've itched like crazy (mostly on my back) for years, and that I know of I haven't developed any tumors there, It makes me feel so sad for the people that have horrible cases of NF, mine being very mild, I feel so horrible when I worry about my self, it could be worse, yes I only have one leg, but it could be worse.
When I see pictures of people and they have disfiguring neurofibromas (tumors) on their faces, backs, arms. and I think.. "How dare you feel bad about your self, you don't have the right to." I am really not one to complain, I never really knew how bad my NF could be, (could get) until the last few years, the net has so much information. I've tried talking to other people with it, but for some reason it seems as if they are talking down to me, like I don't know anything about what I've been though, when I mentioned that I had to have my leg amputated due to a "weak spot" or "hole" in a bone in my leg they would say "are you sure it wasn't a bowed tibia?" UGH no... it wasn't.

Joseph and I want to have kids, we've talked about it a lot. I want to have kids of our own, if we can't we want to adopt. But I'm so scared, people always say that they think that since I don't have it very bad that our kids won't either. and God won't give us something we can't handle. Although I believe that it still terrifies me, I get depressed sometimes because of all this.