Another day goes by

I haven't been doing well since the receiving the news of having P.C.O.S, and finding out that friends of mine are pregnant, and I nearly had a panic attack. I am happy for them, really but I'm still upset. I called my sister to see if she could get some financial papers for me so I can get them sooner then next week hopefully, I really need to figure out what I am going to do, I need to try to make more money from home but I am at a loss. My mental state right now is bad, I feel like crying all of the time and I feel like my husband and I aren't communicating as well as we could be.

PCOS

Wow, it has been a long time since I have blogged but I think I will be doing it a lot more often, I really need a place to freely express what is going on and how I'm feeling and get feedback from people going through the same thing. I went to the Dr. on Friday, and I found out that I have PCOS, actually found out that I was diagnosed with it back in 2009, and was never told, at least I don't remember anyone tell me, (I have a really bad memory but my husband doesn't) So just dealing with that news and doing research on what we need to do from here.

Pow-Wow

When to the Pow-Wow this past weekend, it was great. A lot different then when I was a kid, it wasn't different I am. Growing up I didn't really like it, it was hot and boring and I'd have to be out in the sun all day. But it is so beautiful, the costumes the music just wonderful and to be there with family.

Sewing, a new hobby.

My lovely husband got me a sewing machine (a brother ?) for my birthday last month and I really love it, although I haven't finished any thing other then Aa few little things like kitten blankets, and yes I do mean blankets for my cats. I did start a play apron for my niece, that is coming along but wasn't finished in time for her birthday, but hopefully I'll get it done soon.

I do think that its amazing how much I remember (retained) from taking that class in jr. High, you know the one where we did sewing, cooking, computers and shop? I can't remember the name of it... Anyway there are things that just seem to come naturally when sewing, so I assume that it's from talking the sewing class.

I have been reading some really lovely blogs lately and I am so inspired to create lovely things, for my home, and as gifts.

Not to be a crybaby but...

What in the heck did I do in a past life... (assuming that we have past lives) Okay last week I was sort of diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I say sort of because he didn't really say that I have it but I have all  sorts of the symptoms, so if anyone is keeping score... I have Neurofibromatosis, I'm hypoglycemic, I have one (and a half) legs, I'm always in pain because of the previous disorders, I'm manic depressive and who knows what else... Okay just to put it out there I know there are tons of people with lots more problems then I have, and I always tell my self and others that "it could be worse" and I know it could be. I just wanted to rant a little and this is my blog so :p lol not to mention my hubby and I have been trying for a baby since 2007 and no luck.

A few things I don't talk about

• I don't talk about how upset it makes me that I'm not pregnant, But I feel the pain of it everyday.
• I don't talk about how (some) people in my life don't seem too concerned about it. 
• I don't want people to tell me things that I already know, it doesn't reassure me, it doesn't make me feel any better.
• I don't talk about how hard it is for me to see pregnant women and families walk by my house, or see them in the store. 
• I hate to hearing about people getting pregnant and not wanting to keep it. 
• I'm scared that I can't get pregnant, and I feel like I know it won't happen for me because I didn't end up a teen mom.

Bad at blogging

I'm really bad at this blogging thing, I read blogs all the time, daily and follow more then a few of them. I say to my self all the time that I should write/blog more since I love writing, but it just never gets done... along with many other things that don't do... like laundry and vacuuming and... the list goes on. SO..... here's to blogging (cheers) and here's to procrastinating. (lol)